First Love
by sekangel88
Summary: Before Dr. Knox met his wife, he was in love with someone else. He didn't know it at the time, but that one woman would show him that there was never the right time to love somebody, but to love with all your heart and then love some more.
1. XING

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist. I do own the characters I made up though. Namely the bartender and Jun Shi.

* * *

><p>ONE<p>

He hated this place already. He was dead sure already.

The Knox family had taken a tiny vacation to Xing in order to see if they could strengthen their knowledge of medicine. The younger Knox almost believed them, almost. It was plain as day that his parents just didn't want a vacation here nor did they was to learn something about medicinal alchemy. Hell they didn't give a shit about alchemy in any country! His mom and dad were sinners!

His eyes wandered after ten minutes of hearing his father telling him that it wasn't going to be bad and that he should 'suck it up'. He didn't care. They were still forcing him to get married next year anyways. He would be twenty then. Even though he didn't show a single form of interest in the girl in question, his parents thought it was a good idea for him.

Her name was Cynthia.

He guessed that he could get used to it. He was going into medicine like his parents but he decided he would be someone different. He was already proving to be a renowned pathologist and was making his way on his own as well. He didn't need love either was something his parents were showing him as well. He just thanked god that Cynthia wasn't ugly.

"Son, we're going to be at a party later today. I know you didn't want to go so don't be out too much longer. I don't want those Xingese prostitutes to flirt with you. You're a taken man and don't ever forget that."

His mom was a hypocrite. Anyone could see that she was in a loveless marriage. He even went as far to say that she didn't love him, but it did seem that way at times. He sighed and took out a pack of smokes. In a month he would be gone from this country and never see this place again so as long as they didn't catch him, a fling or two would be nice.

He was minding his own business and really, not doing a damn thing. It was then that he just happened to land his eyes and the most beautiful girl he ever laid eyes on. He ogled the person before quickly smacking sense into his self. You are a self-proclaimed doctor and she is a whore, he told his self. It didn't stop him from checking her out. She had so many nice curves, it made him go weak. He also wanted to run his hands through her long raven locks and her face was pretty as well. Oh God, why make her so beautiful?

It seemed as though she noticed the stares as her eyes narrowed. Her onyx eyes held a fire to them that even years later, a drunken Knox would reminiscence and could never figure out where the passion came from. Sighing he dropped his pack and exhaled a large sigh before pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. The bar tender seemed to notice and smirked.

"That is Jun Shi. Ain't she a looker?"

At Knox's silent nod the bartender continued.

"Yeah, she has been here since she was fourteen. Some say she was disowned because the family found out she couldn't have any kids of her own. Says that it was a big deal to the family. The poor gal. I would love to make her my wife. Too bad she's half my age and I'm married."

Knox just emitted a snort.

"You do realize that she whores herself for money?"

"Hey, I'm just dreaming. I already told you that she was off limits. I'm old enough to be her daddy."

Knox exhaled before nodding.

"She's not my type either. I prefer Amestrians."

The bartender nodded.

"You sure are lucky there's some that know that language buddy. If you didn't, I'm sure your people would be lost to this magnificent country."

"Sure bud, keep telling yourself that. I hate this place."

The bartender smirked.

"Keep telling yourself, maybe one time you'll admit it."

Knox didn't want to admit it then, but it was definitely love at first sight. Years from now, Knox would be wondering why he ever hesitated to get to know her. If he spent all that time staring into the depths of her beauty, he should have at least tried to get to know the words.

* * *

><p>"Oh you're back again."<p>

"Don't start things. How do you say hello in Xingese?"

"Ni Hao."

Knox gulped before reaching over to the girl and reciting what he was told. She seemed to lighten in her expression, almost but she certainly wasn't growling at him anymore. She yelled out a couple of strings of the strange language he had yet even bothered to listen to before punching him in the face.

He only sighed more when he heard the other man laugh.

"What did she say?"

"She said I hate crazy men like you who always think that they can get a girl by being so full of themselves. Makes you want to prove her wrong do ya?"

"You are some crazy guy to set me loose on some pretty girl that deserves more."

The bartender frowned.

"This is the most fun she had in a while. She may not be innocent but she is showing more color than she has in a long time. Please don't hesitate to rumple her feathers a bit more while you're here."

This is why he hated the country, pushy people like this guy and he didn't even know his name.

"I guess."

* * *

><p>"Jun Ni Hao."<p>

He decided to try to write to her this time. She smiled a little and he found his self warming up to it. This was the first time he would do this and it wasn't even forced. Now he just felt bad for his parents. If they ever knew a love like this, they would be bitching for eternity about who they were with now.

"Ni Hao," she replied back.

He smirked.

She started writing and even though he couldn't make it out, he smiled at the effort on her part for trying. He pointed to his self.

"Knox."

She didn't seem to get it. He quickly kept his patience and continued. Hopefully this woman would eventually come to the conclusion. He felt the same guy smug in his corner and tried not to roll his eyes either. He didn't need him saying all those I told you so antics either.

"I Jun Shi."

"I am Knox."

"I am Jun Shi."

She smiled proudly at her own accomplishment and Knox his self found his self graced with a tiny smile. This Jun Shi really loved to learn. He was surprised that she was this smart with the way the people went on about her. In fact the other day, he saw one of the inn keepers pulling her by the hair and scolding her. The bartender just told him that they called her a dirty whore and that she didn't make them enough money. Knox was slightly saddened by that. He didn't know why but he did want to comfort her.

He laid a hand on her shoulder before lightly running his hand through her hair. When she didn't do anything, he lightly grazed the bruise on her right eye trying to get the meaning across. Who knew he had the patience for this, he didn't. He was glad that he got a room and offered her the chance to come in away from prying eyes.

He learned two things that night; never pity Jun Shi and she definitely knew what she was doing in bed.

* * *

><p>"I love."<p>

"I love you."

Jun Shi crinkled her eye brows before attacking him with a bunch of kisses. Normally he wouldn't mind but he doubted that the market place was a place to be showing affection. He already saw a bunch of people glaring at them. Either it was because of this or the fact that he was Amestrian but he had to go with this revenue. Nobody seemed to mixed here and he didn't see any in Amestris.

"I love you," she finally said.

He smirked.

She had smooth skin and even when she wasn't looking her best she was pretty. He frowned remembering what his dad had told him the other night. They were leaving in just a week's time and he probably wouldn't get to see her ever again after this. He had to make it count, right. She must've noticed his demeanor for she stomped on his foot and turned away before leaving in a huffy.

He sighed.

What would he do with that girl?

* * *

><p>"Dad, why are we leaving again?"<p>

"You know why son, because your mom and I are done here. Come on, do you really want to be here longer than necessary? I know you hated this place a couple of weeks ago."

Knox wanted to say he had said that, but now he didn't want to leave the person he learnt made him happy. He didn't even know Cynthia so how could that woman make him happy? He sighed and got his bags packed. Soon he would be out like he had wanted to in the beginning but now it would be with a heavy heart.

He paused when he reached the car. The pitter patter of bare feet caught his ears and before he could turn around, long thin arms were around his middle.

"I miss you. Don' go. I miss you!"

Knox turned around. He hated what he was doing and he hoped she didn't break when he left but he couldn't change fate and he really did love her.

"Farewell Jun Shi."

He pulled her in for a searing kiss and then he was gone, thought to have never come back until many years later.

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><p>Author's note: I didn't know Dr. Knox's first name so I didn't use one.<p> 


	2. AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist. I do own the characters I made up though. Namely the bartender and Jun Shi.

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><p>TWO<p>

Knox hated the family business. He hated being a doctor but most of all, he hated that he was forced into marriage. He soon found his self the father of a small little boy of his own. The boy was his pride and joy but unlike his own parents he attempted to get to know him at least.

It was when the boy latched on and tried to be affectionate that he realized that he wasn't made to be a parent. Jeeze, shoot me in the head why don't cha, he thought. He knew that Cynthia was going to come bring the two year old to bed soon but couldn't help but sigh. In fact, he was kind of happy that he had a family. He didn't love Cynthia with all his heart for he knew deep down that only one girl had been the one was the reason it was broken in a million tiny pieces in the first place. I wonder how you're holding up Jun Shi he wondered idly.

"How is the little one holding up?"

He whipped around.

Cynthia scooped the little boy into her lap, smiling all the while. He hated that he didn't have a bond like that with his own son, but then again he was barely home.

"I'm gonna be in the office late tomorrow so can you-"

"Yes dear, I don't know why you worry. I love you too by the way."

He frowned.

If only he could say those three simple words.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Knox, you sure work hard."<p>

Knox silently counted backwards from ten.

"As do you Madam Christmas. Who's the little one you got there?"

The madam just laughed shrilly at the question before placing the boy on the table. He started to squirm and before she could get her hands on the child, he almost fell onto the floor. Knox quickly caught him. In reality, he looked two years old and not a very big one either. He had to be Xingese or at least part since he had some Amestrian features as well. What caught his attention was the frightened onyx eyes staring back up him as the little cretin grabbed a hold of his teddy.

"How old is this kid and where'd you get him from?"

The madam only glared at the wiggling child until Knox damned the numbers he was still trying to mentally count. Without a single hesitation, he blew in to the kid's face, temporarily dazing the boy. His hold tightened on the slightly dirty teddy bear around his arms but he stopped the struggling. He then turned his attention back to Madam Christmas to find her smirking.

"That's a new one. I'll have to remember that. He's three and a half years old. My son adopted him from Xing when he was six months old. Been sick for a while and then we found out that he had lactose intolerance. My son and his wife passed away in a car accident some months ago. I believe it would have been Roy here's third birthday."

Knox's expression softened. The little guy already lost people he could call parents and all because of a stupid accident. To make things worse, the child didn't look to well and kept coughing every ten or so minutes.

"Hey don't do that, you're going to have to wash it if you keep that up," Knox scolded seeing as how Roy seemed to find a strange habit of chewing on the bear's ear when he was overly anxious.

When Roy looked over to him fearfully he sighed.

"Come on now, don't look that way. If I wanted to hurt you, I'd have done it by now."

He again turned to the older woman.

"You say he was adopted in Xing?"

"Yup, the poor gal looked sick is what my son told me. She didn't have such a great life and from what others told me it was a miracle that she conceived. That town in now notorious for this stupid love story involving forbidding love between an Amestrian and Xingese person. They say their true love created a baby."

Knox froze.

"You don't say."

"Cut the bull crap, I know that you know something about it. You went there years ago right?"

Knox nodded.

"It doesn't matter though because it was over there that I learnt that happiness and love don't exist in this world. If it did, we wouldn't have all the devastations in this world. If it did, nobody would be left alone while the other was ripped away. And all that shit. Bring Mr. Roy over here so I could check him out properly. I'm not going to keep being nice in the future but you say he is almost four! He could barely pass as two and I should know having a son myself that just turned it."

Madam wanly smiled.

"Oh really? I hope you teach that boy more than your foul language."

"You're doing a good job of that yourself Madam. If I had a say, just wait about four years, Roy is going to be cussing like he's in the military."

"Oh boy, I think he's already looking up to you. He's going to be in the military before any of us knows it. I just hope he doesn't choose to carve up bodies as a living."

At this Knox just rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure with your influence; he'll break more hearts than anything else."

Madam chuckled at that.

"That's my boy. Isn't that right Roy-boy?"

Some days Knox wasn't paid enough.

* * *

><p>"What did he do this time?"<p>

Madam dropped the boy on the bed and stood back. It looked worse than it was really. What could have happened that the boy got some minor burns on his arm? The kid was six years old and according to Madam he'd rather pick up an alchemy book than play with the numerous kids in town. He was getting taller though. Maybe if he put on some more weight, he would actually pass as his age.

"I thought I told you the last time he fell and broke his arm that I wasn't doing these favors for free?"

Madam just had to be a smart ass didn't she? She seemed to find these banters amusing and so far, Roy just followed their constant bickering with his eyes that Knox was surprised the child hadn't gotten dizzy yet.

"You aren't doing for free you know. You're doing it for the good of your heart and so that Roy-boy doesn't hurt. You know he's your only soft spot."

Knox wanted to damn this woman. It was true that he didn't like to see the fragile child get hurt or sick when he was already so far behind in his development. He wasn't surprised much when Madam had even gone as far as to tell him that the child was even tiny for a six month old. That meant he was continuously spitting up milk and losing weight at an alarming weight before they quickly changed up the diet so that the child could regain it. How nobody realized for months that a child wasn't doing well with feeding time was beyond him anyways.

"Roy how'd you do this now?"

"I did alchemy!"

"You did huh?"

Roy nodded.

"Well, just don't do it without your mom's permission first okay?"

He almost laughed at Madam's expression for calling her the boy's mother. If she looked at the facts, it was true though. She was the only parental figure that the boy had. He wasn't steady enough to be considered parental and even if he was, he wasn't parental material. He was already screwed with one father/son relationship; he wasn't going to mess with one with a child he barely saw.

"There you go, you remember what I told you?"

"Yup."

"Are you going to listen?"

"Nope, I love alchemy old man."

"OLD MAN! DO I REALLY LOOK THAT OLD TO YOU!"

Madam laughed.

"And that Roy-boy is why I told you calling people names was bad."

* * *

><p>It was definitely a while before he saw him again, but he certainly regretted it. Knox was one of so many doctors sent to Ishbal by orders of the Fuhrer. He hadn't even known that Mustang was in his vicinity until he heard a soldier was brought in displaying self harmful behavior. He pitied the men. He pitied the alchemist more when he heard that the soldier was one. So many were being torn by the ways of war and sadly, most weren't even twenty five yet.<p>

He went to check after the numerous autopsies he performed. It was gruesome but he came to stop feeling, knowing that being numb was the only way he'd survive this hell. He didn't want to admit it but after seeing these many bodies that were lined up due to the numbers being killed; he didn't have that much faith in their military leadership anymore. He cleaned his hands before going to talk some sense into the stubborn soldier's head. Supposedly he torn an IV out when they tried to get some of the fluids he lost back into his system.

"Mustang," he called in surprise at seeing the young man there.

"Hi there Dr. It's not that bad. He has a fever from the antics he tried pulling over in the Eastern division. Some said the flames nearly got him this time around."

"So he really did try to kill his self. Stupid boy, you'll always be one until you man up."

Seeing the struggles against the IV being put back in, he had to smirk. He was stubborn, he'd give him that. Even with a fever, he put up one heck of a fight. He frowned when he remembered another person he had always kept buried within the depths of his heart who had the same attitude. He could've have sworn at one point that they had the same expressions down as well.

Sighing, he grabbed a hold of his face despite the nurse's complaint and blew on it-hard. It gave the young man enough shock that it stunned him in the time it took to reinsert the IV and then push meds through the line. He wasn't surprised when Mustang's eyes already began to droop. He was exhausted and the nurse gave a sedative. He was in no condition to go out and fight like this anyhow.

The nurse left after Knox promised to look after him for a few hours. He now had an excuse to observe the younger one as he slept. He was stupid and reckless. If he was the same as the child that was constantly brought in, Knox could even say that he went head into action without thinking first. He was rash. He thought too much with his heart instead of his head at times. His ultimate undoing was his ideals. As he grew, nobody told him life wasn't fair and even if the Madam tried, well Mustang was very stubborn. He'd go as far as to say like Jun Shi but he wasn't sure this time. Many people were stubborn and had the fiery personality but with Mustang, it was more. He was young and stupid but even with the war doing what it was to him; Knox knew he would make something of his self.

"Stupid brat, you'll be the death of me yet."

For once, he was glad the boy wasn't able to overhear him.


	3. RETURN TO XING

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist. I do own the characters I made up though. Namely the bartender and Jun Shi.

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><p>THREE<p>

It was more than a decade when he chose to return, but this time he was planning on staying a while. His wife and son weren't coming with even though he knew he wasn't ever going to displace their love anymore. He learnt when he nearly lost them through the divorce. He did love Cynthia, God bless her heart. She put up with a lot from him especially when he was going through PTSD. He would never be over the war but he learnt that that he could move past it.

He took a seat at the bar that he had been to at the nineteen. He was now double that age but nonetheless, he couldn't have felt any more at home than he did now. He was at peace with his self. He had nearly told his self that Jun Shi was here, but he remembered that she was dead. A certain event had him knowing that, which spurred the sudden trip all the way out of his way.

"Oh the young man that was in love with our Xingese. You inspired a lot of love stories."

Knox smirked.

"I know."

"I'm Yang Mei by the way."

"Dr. Knox. I'm sure you're very happy with your family and all."

Yang Mei nodded.

He was a little surprised to see the guy still bartending like it was yesterday. Didn't he understand the necessity of family? Obviously not. If it took Knox a long time to realize it his self, he doubted anyone could come to the same conclusion. He sighed.

"There there, have a drink. Jun Shi's memory is still here. You still know her right?"

"Very funny. She was my first love and the mother of my first child. I would be stupid not to remember. The brat caused me pain all these years. The stubborn boy. Just like her in that regard and yet ambitious like me."

Yang Mei waved for him to continue.

"I have a grandchild you know. You'd probably say about time but I'm glad. A beauty just like the parents."

"So you love them all I take it."

"Of course although my grandchild is more like my darling Jun Shi. Running the military wild. You know my son's in the military. A freaking Brigadier general?"

"That's got to have you proud."

"Hey don't patronize me. I'm retired but I'm still a doctor. Thanks to my sons I've finally begun to see the nature of treating live patients. Did you want to see a picture?"

"That the grandchild? Looks a lot like Jun Shi."

"Looks like a mirror image of the brat." Knox smiled a sad smile before tapping on the picture. "Has the other brat's nose though. I could tell it's not mine. Not Jun Shi's either. The eyes are wider too. They're Amestrian eyes. The color is lighter too. When I vacationed here all those years back, never thought I'd be happy to love somebody but now I love too many. Brats child is gonna be eighteen months and is already saying the word fuck. Told the other brat to put soap in the mouth but supposedly they have to keep it away from getting ingested. I know vengeance is wrong but I can't help but feel that this kind is alright. The brat is feeling my pain."

Yang Mei nodded.

"I have a grandson. His mommy died during childbirth. My son keeps him above all his other needs and I know he won't be with anybody else but it makes me sad you know. Everybody wants true love but hardly anybody finds it. When they find it, it ends in tragedy. If only there'd be a love where everything went right."

"I feel ya. I also know of someone lost in childbirth. The other is raising the kid just fine but-I know it's just breaking his heart to go on this way. But the end justifies the means I guess." After a pause he continued. "I'm going to see the grave. I'm actually surprised they gave her one seeing as how they nobody seemed to like her."

"Well, she did have a miracle baby. One that as I recall hearing is now a brigadier general of the big Amestris army."

Knox waved him off.

"If I don't see you before I take off, just know that it's been nice knowing you."

"You too Knox, you too."

* * *

><p>"I love you Jun Shi." Knox knew that it was stupid talking to somebody who had been dead but if others could do it, then so could he. He sat down next to the tombstone and laid his hand on the dirt. "I never wanted to leave you but you know parents. Yours left you right? I guess I was never really strong to say no to mine, so I went into a marriage that I at first didn't want to even commit to but I'm glad I did."<p>

He sighed watching the sunset. It was beautiful here, so much more than the Amestrian one. He'd have to remember to beg so that he could bring his grandchild over once he was finished with his business here. His wife would finally find out everything because he was going to tell her. There was no use in keeping the secrets anymore. He didn't want to lose the trust he had slowly built in the past years.

"You know Jun Shi, in a way you saved me. You showed me it was alright to love somebody and you showed me how. You didn't know much Amestrian but the words you did know was important to me. Odd that the son you gave birth to had a hand in saving my country. He is a good person, a good man. Don't you forget that Jun Shi. You probably now know better than me how proud you are."

His smile turned bitter at the last thought. He didn't want to think on it, it was too soon. The last year had been anything but. Finding out he did have a child with Jun Shi was one thing, but having a grandchild as well. He couldn't blame the brat. He had made a child when he was nineteen. He sighed. The pain wasn't going to lessen anytime soon.

"I'd have translated everything I told you Jun Shi and have someone say it in Xingese for me but I get the feeling it wouldn't be as personal. Please be happy for me. It's the one thing I want to you to be so that I could be at peace."

As he left the famed cemetery, he couldn't have thought of any parting more bitter than he just had. He didn't want to think anymore, thinking caused so many problems and was overrated. He was just going to feel and the feeling he was getting was that his grandchild could use another one of his visits. He found his smirk when he finally found the exit. The past was behind him and even though the tragedies from it remained, he didn't lose everything. He still had proof of that and he was going to love them with all his heart.

* * *

><p>AN: This is kind of a side story to the one I'm still working on. Because of that, I didn't put in anything that might be considered a spoiler. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me what you think of it.


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